Ever pondered upon the philosophical truth - "This Too Shall Pass"? What does it really mean when we're down in the dumps or soaring high? That's exactly what Steve and I will be rummaging through in this episode, as we dive into life's transience, suicide stigma, and the human condition. We'll also be unmasking the power of laughter, the weight of guilt, and the role we all play in our own healing journey.
Did you know that a single phrase can be an emotional tripwire, leading to a cascade of tension? We all carry our unique emotional baggage and understanding this is key in preventing misunderstandings. So sit tight as we explore the intricacies of relationships, the challenges of grieving, and the fulfilling yet edgy life from Steve and my perspective.
On the brighter side, we'll be shining a light on the power of comradery among veterans and how supporting one another can impact the journey positively. We also share insights from an encounter at a gas station that left us pondering about standing up for oneself. So, gear up for an emotional rollercoaster as we take you through stories of resilience, and reflections on life, adversity, healing, and recognition.
Ever pondered upon the philosophical truth - "This Too Shall Pass"? What does it really mean when we're down in the dumps or soaring high? That's exactly what Steve and I will be rummaging through in this episode, as we dive into life's transience, suicide stigma, and the human condition. We'll also be unmasking the power of laughter, the weight of guilt, and the role we all play in our own healing journey.
Did you know that a single phrase can be an emotional tripwire, leading to a cascade of tension? We all carry our unique emotional baggage and understanding this is key in preventing misunderstandings. So sit tight as we explore the intricacies of relationships, the challenges of grieving, and the fulfilling yet edgy life from Steve and my perspective.
On the brighter side, we'll be shining a light on the power of comradery among veterans and how supporting one another can impact the journey positively. We also share insights from an encounter at a gas station that left us pondering about standing up for oneself. So, gear up for an emotional rollercoaster as we take you through stories of resilience, and reflections on life, adversity, healing, and recognition.
All right, everybody. Uh, so it's been a little bit for Steve and I. Uh, we've been uh doing some traveling and stuff. Um, steve had a uh, um, he's had some stuff going on Last few weeks. I had some buddies call him, had some buddies that you know, um, you know they, they did that permanent solution to a temporary problem And uh, he's got some, some shit he wants to get off his chest And uh, so the theme of this week's episode is going to be this too shall pass. Um, i know everybody's heard it in one way, shape or another. Um, it's a phrase that reflects on the temporary nature of the human condition, that neither the bad nor good moments in life ever indefinitely last. Um, it's, uh, it's the phrase in the concept is based off of a medieval Persian poet And uh, it's called the Solomon seal and uh, the salt and ass Solomon for a signet motto that should hold good for adversity or prosperity. Solomon gave him. This also shall pass away. Um, so you know, this too shall pass.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know, i was on my way It's, it's um, i was on my way back from uh your garage and uh received a call from a buddy and uh, we were kind of hashing out the uh details of uh another buddy's death, um, and uh, you know when, in our community of the veteran community, when you know someone dies that is young, uh, we immediately think, uh, it's suicide. I think that's um, that's part of that's part of the problem. We immediately, um, you know, especially when they're combat veterans, um, especially when you know, in the past they have, you know, dealt with the demons, yep And uh.
Speaker 1:So you immediately go there, go to that point and and you immediately feel a certain way, yep, um and and, for better or worse, the, the, the constant spotlight that's shown on veteran suicide also keeps it in your forefront, And you know conventional wisdom is the majority of veterans that people get, they get talked about are the ones that commit suicide in an effort to curb suicide numbers.
Speaker 2:Right, and you know there's, there's um the thought out there that talking about it so much, talking about it as much as people do, is what keeps perpetuating suicide. It's like, well, you're speaking it into existence.
Speaker 2:I don't, i don't necessarily, i don't necessarily. uh, i don't want to say believe, i'm sure there's, you know, i don't think the same thing holds true to school shootings. I don't think you know what I mean. Yeah, like you know, i think um, suicide has been around since the dawn of man, you know, since man figured out how to, you know, create fire, he, he or she figured out how to off themselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i mean um uh so if a person wants to do something, regardless of their state of mind, they're going to find a way to do it.
Speaker 2:Well, certainly, and and and that's part of free will And and you know I was a, and I'll get into this in a little bit later but you know my, my thought process about those who commit suicide has changed, it's evolved, um, i think, for the better, um and uh, i don't, i don't have the same disdain for um, those those I love, um who commits suicide and and um, it's part of the part of the healing process of. You know I, i I talked before about, you know, chad Hanson, and and um, at least with you. I might not have talked about him on air, but uh, chad Hanson was a high school buddy of mine and uh, he committed suicide And um, i was down at Fort Fort Polk, Louisiana, when it happened And you know um, luckily, um, I was unable to attend. You know I was for all 10, some purposes, we were um out um training and you know the military, um, i'm sure it's, i'm sure it's the same in all branches immediate family, only for Red Cross messages and things of that nature.
Speaker 1:You had a, you had a convenient out.
Speaker 2:I had yeah And uh. Yes, And I believe we have talked about it before on air. I had a convenient out and um, but the thought, my, my feelings were still there. You know my feelings about um, suicide was still there And, uh, you know it was not Chad. Chad Hanson was a strong human being. Um, from the outside looking in, um, i always compare him and I don't know the guy's name. Uh, the lead singer of Danzig. Um, if you guys can picture the lead singer, do it right now. Uh, lead singer of Danzig. Um, i should have been more prepared to have his name, but uh, um, conveniently, his last name is Danzig, i can't remember his first name.
Speaker 1:Yeah, uh, that guy dancing.
Speaker 2:Um, but anyways, I mean spitting, spitting image, not a, not a um, overly uh, large, larger than life man, but very sculpted and uh, and you know the um, the mind, uh, very similar thought patterns, um, but very, very muscular and very strong, um, anyways, he committed suicide and uh, my feeling, my feeling on it was, you know um, very immature, uh, very, um, you know quitter, like um, and uh, very. You know, one of those things where man, all you had to do is reach out. You know what I mean. Uh, yeah, we uh our paths, uh, we, uh, we, uh, we uh, we, uh, we, uh, we, uh, we uh. We have, you know, went in different directions after graduation.
Speaker 1:Um, he graduated a year before I did Um, but you know, um, all you had to do is reach out and uh, and I think part of that is um, because I was the same way until I started this mental health journey Suicide was quitting. You know. Why are you? why? why are you just giving up? You know you're not strong enough. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know.
Speaker 1:But in a way we're kind of, you know, at least in in the early years of of our life, that's, you know. You know, like we've talked about with our dads, you get up, you, you know you don't, you don't live, you survive, and you do it again and you do it again. And that's what being a man is about. And so when, when you would see someone who, who couldn't get up and survive and do it again, they weren't being a man. And, and you know, those types of things are imprinted on us so that when we see someone who you know, who gives up, you know, and they and they take that permanent solution to a temporary problem. You know, we, we had that thought process of whether we, you know that you know all the negative aspects of you have it. But then, when you go on this mental health journey, like we have, and you look at it from a different perspective, you realize that you were wrong as two boys naked in a phone booth.
Speaker 2:Right, and yeah, i mean it, it wasn't. it wasn't until I was there. I was standing on the doorstep And you know, i would tell you at at those final moments, what, what people. you know, i always, I always told people I don't give a shit what people think, and I mean some of the things I wear, some of the things I do out in public. it's, it's obvious. I, you know what I mean. I live, i'm, i'm, i am very comfortable in my own skin, i'm very comfortable being exactly who I am, and people's opinion of that I don't, I don't really give a fuck about. you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:What I've learned from you, being so close to you for the last year plus. You don't care what the average person has to say about you, Yes, but people that are very close to you you have learned over the last year. You kind of care, oh right. Right, i mean, and you used to think you didn't, but you've learned, as as your mental health has gotten better, that those, those thoughts, really do impact you.
Speaker 2:Yes, and One of the things in you know, past relationships that I brought into current relationships is you know, no one can hurt you more than someone you love. Yep, So, you know, in order to limit the amount of hurt you go through, you limit the amount of people that love you, and You try to do that. You try to minimize the amount of, you know, hurt that that people can inflict on you. So, yeah, so I think that's there's some of that in it. But, yeah, i mean, you know there's some Only people that I truly love can, can, can hurt me, but you know, especially in an art group, it, you know you have to have the ability to take as much as you give. I give a lot, so you have to have the.
Speaker 2:You know, if you don't have the ability to laugh at yourself and and I laugh at myself all the time and You know especially the you know the week we spent in Colorado. That was such a happy week, right, I mean, how much laughing at ourselves did every you know what I mean Like, everyone has a you know story they can take away about laughing at themselves and and you know, it's one of those things where I can sit. I can sit here and laugh at myself amongst a group of people that will absolutely fall out the chair laughing at me. However, it's it's not in a sense where, well, this is your turn. That's, that's all it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right now, it's your turn for everyone to laugh at.
Speaker 1:It's, it's not malicious, right Yeah, it's, it's. It's all in love and togetherness and Right Right.
Speaker 2:It's family. It's the best parts of family, best parts of family, yeah, and so The mindset that I carry, you know I carry a lot of guilt And, and you know that's the heaviest bag I have. You know, and most people I would probably agree, guilt is that's a heavy bag, that's it.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's the ruck that nobody sees.
Speaker 2:Right And and, like you said, when you go through, when you go through your mental health journey and you get with, you know you get with people And, yeah, you know the VA, they have no idea what you went through. You know most of the psychologists, the psychiatrists, the social workers, those people they have no idea what you went through. They're clinicians, right, and they're they're. They're not speaking to the symptoms, right, you know they're not speaking to well, you know, you know you're, you saw this. So your body, you know they're speaking to well, you saw that. So your body is reacting this way. So this is how we counteract the way your body is reacting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they. They can't help you with the cause, they're helping you with the effect.
Speaker 2:The effect, absolutely So. Um, and if you open yourself up to that, right, don't tell me how to, um, don't tell me how to, uh, make sense of killing people. Don't, don't tell me how to make No, and that ain't what I'm doing. Um, that ain't, that ain't what they're doing. What they're doing is your brain is suppressing Your brain is whatever your brain is doing right now. This is how we counteract that. This is how we try to get you back to a normal baseline, and if you can open up to that, that is where the healing starts. Well, it started for me. I know as as well as you, that's where my healing started.
Speaker 1:Um and I think it's weird that you know, if we go into the VA and we need shoulder surgery or back surgery or whatever we go in, hey, this part's not working right, i need you to fix it And we're totally cool with it. But we won't go into the VA where our brain needs fixing and say, hey, help me fix it. Instead, we go in with a and say, hey, our brain's not working. Well, this is how you fix it. No, fuck you, that's not how we're going to fix it. Like it, and I only know this from firsthand experience.
Speaker 1:My first appointment with the therapist she said something and it turned me off. Man, i did, and I never came back. I didn't even call and cancel the appointments, i just no showed because I was pissed at her. So it we have to, like you said. You have to understand that your brain is like any other part of your body And if it's not working the way it's supposed to, the clinicians are there to help you get it working the way it's supposed to. It's not a. You know you can't go in and get your shoulder fixed And you know, after rehab you're like, oh yeah, my shoulder's good to go. Bring no work that way, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, on behalf of us. I won't speak for you, but I'll speak for you. First of all, we appreciate the hell out of everyone who takes the time to download the podcast, takes the time to listen to the podcast and then, most importantly, you fucking take something away from the podcast. We see all your comments and we see and it doesn't matter to us that we know you It. Actually, for me, it's a plus that people I haven't talked to since 99 are listening to the podcast and giving us great feedback, because that we serve I served with you know, throughout my time in the army is reaching out and, and you know, the number one comment is like Holy shit, big Vic you're, you're experiencing this. No way Like. And I'm like yeah, bro, you know the brain don't give a fuck that you're 64, 315 pounds. They don't give a fuck, the brain doesn't give a fuck that.
Speaker 2:You know, at one point in your life you were hard woodpecker lips and now you're, you're soft as baby shit. It doesn't care Like. You know it's, it's one of it's, it's one of those organisms that you know if you treat it right, it it will, you know, pay dividends for you. If you treat it bad, it it will do the opposite. And you know, for for a long time I treated my brain badly and you know I didn't, i didn't seek as much knowledge as I could to help it grow. I, you know, like I got in a pattern and I left it there. And you know, and then when it's damaged not as it's damaged you know it's easy to say well, in my defense, and you know my friends get tired, you know, get tired of hearing that in my defense.
Speaker 1:But you know, i think though in that aspect, yeah, you know you're, you have idiosyncrasies because of your TBI, and when you say in my defense for that, we all get that, but you have never used the in my defense, tbi portion for anything related to your emotional, mental health, Right, yeah? And there's two different things there at play. When you took your brain, is is both physically damaged as opposed to just emotionally, mentally damaged.
Speaker 1:In that aspect, So, I think it's two different injuries One you. You're in my defense. It plays true. It's not a reason or it's not an excuse. It's the reason, Right, But you've never said when you've had, you know, an emotional moment in my defense, right? There's no cop out there.
Speaker 2:Right, and and you know as much as I think I grow, i've grown over the last couple of years you know I still have, you know I still have moments where you know I'm, i'm raising my voice at other grown, grown people And and it's not, you know, and it hurts because you should know better, right, but you know alcohol is not an excuse. Marijuana is not an excuse. You know the time of day, you know it being one o'clock in the morning, as you know, that's not an excuse.
Speaker 2:You're playing, playing a very competitive game of You're with two cheating motherfuckers. Love you, brandy. No, but it's what? To speak on that for a quick second? You know it wasn't. You don't know Triggers still exist until you're fucking triggered. Yep, i mean like I live. I live in a fucking emotional bubble since I've been married. Um, i mean it's very, i mean like emotions in in my house are very positive, not a whole lot of negatives, and and that's what I mean by the emotional bubble Like fucking, it's very safe.
Speaker 1:You feel like you're quote unquote, cured right, because you never have one of those triggers that hit you. Yeah, and then when one of them hits you and your body instantly goes back to defensive modes and you're like, oh, I'm not cured, i just don't ever see this motherfucker.
Speaker 2:Right, right. And then you, but we say it all the time, but you know, you're always a, you're always recovering, you're always you know, and and you know, but you, secretly, you're like well, maybe that dude is you know what I mean. Maybe I come part mentalized better than I think I do, and then the moment that mother, they call it a trigger for a reason, You know what I mean The moment that motherfucker hits you and you react the way you always react before.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you know, but I'll tell you the you know for some context, brandy, sean's wife, sean, brandy and Chrissy, our wives and us playing Uker, and we've played Uker many times in the past And me and Sean, normally we start games out, whooping them pretty handedly, and then those two are like third base coaches and they start throwing signals at each other And then it's all downhill And then.
Speaker 1:And then you have my wife over there going. I'm not cheating. I don't even know how to cheat. I'm not that good at cards. I'm like, well, you're pretty fucking good. As the night goes on, right As the night as the night goes on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i, i didn't stop knowing how to play Uker in the last 10 minutes, like what the fuck? But anyways, and it's a running gag, it's, yes, and I don't give a fuck about them cheating, it's, you know, i don't. However, on this particular evening, brandy looked, brandy called whatever the fucking Trump was and she looked at Chrissy for affirmation.
Speaker 1:You perceived, that's what she did.
Speaker 2:I perceived she looked at Chrissy for affirmation And as I look at Chrissy, chrissy's looking down, she ain't even paid attention. And then and then we play, and then I make a comment Oh you're, you're looking at your partner for affirmation And she's like I didn't look at her.
Speaker 1:And that statement is what triggered me, you know because you perceived that she looked at her for affirmation. When you said that Brandy responded to, she said I didn't look at her, but it was what it was was I didn't look at her for affirmation, Right? So because she didn't add for affirmation, your brain took it as you're trying to lie to me that you didn't look at her and you all of a sudden had 20 plus years of flashbacks hit you, Yeah, And it definitely went all downhill real fucking fast.
Speaker 2:Right, and then you know. Then you quickly, you quickly understand that you know, at every table you sit at, people's bringing their own baggage. You know what I mean And you know. So I'm animated, right, i'm fucking animated. So at some point I stand up and I'm like like I 1000% know, you fucking looked at her. And then you know, and she's like at some point she's like, yes, i looked at her and I'm like, well, that's, that's all the fuck. You know what I mean. She's like but it wasn't for affirmation. I'm like I don't give a fuck about that.
Speaker 1:Like, well, that's where it progressed to Right, But that wasn't how it started It was. It was fucking nightmare from the word go.
Speaker 2:Right And then she left and then immediately when she left, you know it took me right back to my household, my kids. You know the, you know the looks on their faces, the emotion I pushed in them and it immediately crushed me and I'm like, well, jesus Christ, and I had to go sit outside for a long period of time to fucking become the grips with man that's fucking guys still in me, holy shit And and and then the grips of. I hope I didn't ruin a good fucking relationship that I have with someone because of that.
Speaker 1:You guys, we've gone places and people are like are they brother and sister? with the way YouTube bicker. Right, yes, and, and it's part of the love that we have It literally is a brother sister relationship, right?
Speaker 2:Yes, And so, thankfully, next morning we were able to hug it out and and I was able to talk my side, she was able to talk her side in a very level headed, very. You know the tension. The tension level went back down to zero.
Speaker 1:If you don't know anything about Ohio people may you could get serious. Yeah, you could, you, you could get fucking serious I think something that also helped was when we had them on and we and we talked about how she's learned that when I have an episode like that, it's not her fault, Right? And I think if she wouldn't have had that experience, the outcome probably would have been a lot worse.
Speaker 2:Right, and yeah, i'll probably still be you know, sending sending flowers and fucking candies and but it was a hundred percent, you know, a hundred percent my fault.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. I don't blame her for any, any of that. It's never, you know. And the next day I tried to articulate you know, hey, i was in a household where a lot of shit was going on that I can see, and I'm told I'm crazy. I'm told, no, that ain't that, ain't what's going on. I'm told, like you know, i saw the end of my marriage before it happened And you know I'm I'm over to the side setting up the dominoes And they're like what are you doing? I'm like this is the end of my marriage. And they're like that's kind of morbid, like no, no, this is what's going to happen. This Domino's going to hit that one And and when they all fall, they'll be nothing left. And it kind of.
Speaker 1:You know it wasn't exact, but it was roundabout.
Speaker 2:It came to fruition And people are like holy shit. And I'm like, yeah, because I can fucking see, you know. I mean like When I get upset with people, it's off of what they tell me or what they show me And you know, and what you tell me Not in text message, you know verbally what you tell me. Then I take your words and I'm like, all right, this is what he said, this is what she said. And then I'm like, well, all right, that's fucked up, let me.
Speaker 2:And they're like no that you know when it, when it comes to Um, you know I'm I've been in situations where I'm like you said this and this is fucked up. And they're like no, that ain't what I said. I said, and then a change omit words and said no, i said like come on, yes, i have a fucking brain injury, but come on, like that is nowhere near what the fuck, like I wouldn't get upset with that. They're like oh, that's what I said. Yeah, don't get over it.
Speaker 1:You know, i'm Brandon, i've been married 23 years And one thing I've learned in all those years is that her word choice, she'll. She'll say something and I'll be like what? And she'll be like, yeah, and I'm like this is what you said, no, no, no, no, that's not what I said. And I'll be like, yes, that's what you said. And then she thinks about it. From it She goes well, that's not what I meant. I'm okay, what did you mean? And then she says it I'm like okay, that makes more sense. And because you know, like every person, they have their own little ins and ins and her head.
Speaker 1:This is what she wants to say. But what comes out of her mouth is not what she wants to say, and so I have to clarify And that's what happened that night What she said was I didn't look at her. What she meant was I didn't look at her for affirmation Right, and her omit of choice was a trigger that you didn't realize you still had, and that she had no fucking clue that you had. So I mean she, she, she lobbed a grenade in without knowing it was a live grenade and boom, shit went like crazy. Like she was just the, she was the um, uh, the unsuspecting, uh, hitman, right.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, and uh, yeah, so, um, love you, brandy, yeah, um, uh. I know you won't listen to this podcast or share it, but I love you Um, um another another.
Speaker 1:Um, she did listen to the cornbread episode and then told me the feedback I got from her was uh, that episode was really good, but I wanted to hear more of cornbread story. I'm like, well, he shared what he wanted to share and she was like, yeah, but I wanted more.
Speaker 2:But there it is. Um, but yeah, so, um, all you know, all the people um that have reached out to us and, uh, you know, um, like we said from the start, we're, we're, we're not doing this to get rich and famous. Um, if we can help one person out there, that's, that's, that's what we're here to do.
Speaker 2:We've gotten so many people that have told us how we've helped them that we have exceeded what we wanted to do Most certainly A hundred fold, yeah, and, and a lot of those are like man, i didn't know how to put words to that Like you put words to what I'm feeling.
Speaker 1:And that was the first phone call I got from George was I. I didn't know how to tell my wife this is what it was, but I was able to tell her to listen to that episode and now she understands me a little bit better and I know how to explain it to her. You know how amazing that is to be able to help a couple figure that out. Yeah, because it is hard, you know. we only know how to figure it out because we fucked it up so many times.
Speaker 1:Most certainly To get to this point, you know, to help somebody not fuck it up another time.
Speaker 2:That's huge because you know there's how many marriages have failed because a spouse refused to see the. The alternative of you know he don't love me, she don't love me. If he loved me, he wouldn't yell at me. If she loved me, she would. You know what I mean, um.
Speaker 1:I think there's a lot that have failed because of refusal. I also think there's a lot that have failed because they didn't know better.
Speaker 2:Right And and on both parts, right On on the, the veterans part and and the spouses part, where they're like right, fuck you know, cause I was that person, Hey, this is fucking me, you know. Um. And they're like yeah, we don't fucking like you much. Like, figure it out, you're like you, fucking figure it out, like and you know you were in a relationship where it was finger pointing. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know and and and sometimes you have. You have instances where one or the other is doing what they're supposed to do And then the other one is blaming. But in your scenario, both sides were fucked up like a soup sandwich, but neither side wanted to fix themselves because of the other side telling them they were the ones that were fucked up. Yeah, instead of saying I'm fucked up and you're fucked up, let's be fucked up together and figure it out. Right, it was, i'm fine, you're fucked up, no, no, no, bitch, i'm fucked up, but you're fucked up too. So why don't you do something about your fucked up and then I'll do something about my fucked up? No, no, no, no, no, fuck you, i'm not the one. And that's what it turned into.
Speaker 2:And and unfortunately, a lot of marriages are like that, yeah, Yeah And uh, you know cause I I was a hundred percent willing to go to uh couples therapy, uh marriage counseling, um all that because I was like there ain't a motherfucking psychologist uh, on the fucking planning that's going to put a hundred percent of this shit on me. Right, like you, i needed a mediator to fucking be like Oh, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like yeah, you're culpable unless it's a family court appointed therapist, then it's a hundred percent on you, bro.
Speaker 2:I'm paying for that shit And I'm fucking paying for it, Uh, but yeah, I mean I'm like, and and it was, you know, uh, not to be, but uh, this too shall pass, that, that too did pass, And, and I'm like I'm like a big ass fucking kidney stone, but it passed, I fucking and I'm appreciative of that shit.
Speaker 2:but uh, um, this too shall pass. So you know, i got some, as we said from the beginning, i got some calls and, and you know, before we left for Colorado it was, you know there was a pretty hectic few days. you know um one buddy confirmed, a soldier of mine committed suicide, uh, another uh soldier that I served with, um and O five died And that's where the, that's where the, the you know speculation came um for old big V, um and uh turned out, you know, um, i'm not still, i'm still not exactly sure um cause of death, um, but does it really, does it really matter?
Speaker 1:You know, like this point.
Speaker 2:um, you know, as long as it, as long as it's not suicide, as long as he's not doing something that you know is putting how do I say this? Like we just rode 14,000 feet up a fucking mountain with no guard rails, like we, we, we, like, um, you know, as long as you're not doing things that may, you know, I mean may lead to you know um, if you're coming down a mountain that's 14,000 feet and you intentionally don't have your brakes checked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, come on. Yeah, i mean um, but if you're just living on the edge and and you're mitigating risks and things of that nature, and shit happens, you know, uh, we had a brother CVMA brother he died, um on the way out to uh Colorado, just uh, by reports. he just slumped over on his tank and then the bike, then the bike wrecked and you know, as a as a motorcycle rider, i take, you know, i I said it when I heard it I'm like, um, the old John Dutton, uh, he died like a cowboy.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I mean like if you're going to, if you're going to go out hopefully you get to go out, maybe not on your own terms, but at least doing something that means something to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, doing something? Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:If I'm going to die, i'd love to die on my bike, as opposed to dying in a bed. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Most certainly. And uh, so you know, um, you hear, you hear stories like that, and then you know, like, in part of our organization, you know, we're friends on Facebook with a lot of people that wear the same patch as we do. We don't necessarily know them, you know it's, it's kind of cool when you know, when you go to a national uh, national event and you're seeing all these Facebook friends walking by you and people. you know people like Hey, i know you, like, yeah, motherfucking, i know you too, and uh, give me a like, right Yeah.
Speaker 2:And uh, so it's cool to see, you know um, see those people out in Colorado and things of that nature. So you know it was. It was you know the matriarchs um suicide, you know big death. Um, uh, my buddy, um Campbell, called me. You know his brother, uh, committed suicide and um, you know he, he like he was trying to talk me through his feelings, like and uh, and And I was in his feelings were pretty on par with that guy I was, you know so it And I didn't make bones about the guy I was, i didn't, you know, like this is how I feel. Um, so he calls me. He's like, hey, man am, I wrong.
Speaker 2:And I'm like, hey, you know, um, this is your brother. You know he was talking about uh attending the services. I said this is your brother. Like uh, the only advice I will give you said I can't make the, i can't answer. You know, for you, in 10 years, if you go to this funeral, do you think you'll regret it? In 10 years, if you don't go to this funeral, do you think you'll regret it? Answer those. If The first one's yes and the second one's no, there's your answer. If the first one's no and the second one's yes, there's your answer. You know, and You know I didn't. I Didn't follow up and see what he did. You know again, and In the scheme of things, he did what he thought was right for himself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, that's all you can do.
Speaker 2:His feelings or his feelings and you know, i don't, i don't make judgment on that, but yeah, man, it was just, you know, one thing after another thing, after another thing, and you know, and then I Have guys that I served with, they get a hold of me all the time and and you know Which, it's great. Now that shot out the Mike Callahan. He Listened to the podcast and gives us feet, gives us feedback every time he, every time he listens to it. So we appreciate it, mike. Mike took a 7.62 round to the, to the Tri sep in in Iraq, and He makes the joke. He makes the joke all the time. So I'll say it on there that you know, when He was in a Bradley, he was a Bradley gunner and We were told that we had to Bust the final drives on this Bradley that we were.
Speaker 2:We were not allowed to tow it anymore with the final drives hooked up, which By the, by the TM, is absolute bullshit, but that's for another podcast. But So, anyways, we, we, we found a spot that we thought was Relatively safe. We were outside of a cop, and so they had their guards up and and and all that, and we, we boxed the Bradley in with vehicles so that people on the ground were protected by armor and You know they. They proceeded to bust the, the final drives on the Bradley and, and the whole time that they're doing this inside of this armored box of vehicles, my dumb ass is Outside the armored box just walking around leaning, leaning against, you know, jersey barriers and Interacting with the kids like I normally do, hand out little Beanie babies that my, my daughter sent to it, to us, or give them candy or things of that nature. And we were there I don't know 35, 40 minutes, and So they needed, in order to get one of the final drives off, they needed the vehicle to be started and And like to neutral steer the vehicle so they can pop the final drive out.
Speaker 2:So It a very Brief, very brief Moment that Callahan stuck his head out of The the hatch just to hear the commands from the ground, so he can tell the driver. And the shot rang out and Callahan dropped into the the cupola and I Immediately ran in Into the, the back of the Bradley The gun. The gun was situated Forward so that the, the command cupola right in a Bradley the, the driver excuse me, the TC and gunner in a Bradley Cooper cupola, is it stand alone. It's a tube that's sat inside the tank itself, and then the, the troop carrier, is in the back. For you, air Force folks, and.
Speaker 2:But so he, he drops in so we can't get to him. So in order to get to him we have to go through the top hatch and then that exposes someone else. So he had the presence of mind to turn the turret so that the opening We were able to access him from the back of the Bradley under cover. So That's that's. You know, that's pretty good On his part, and So we were. We were able to pull him out, get a tourniquet on his arm. You know, do some, do some buddy aid. And then, you know, we quickly got him in a couple Humvees and we peeled out of there in two Humvees to get him to a level two trauma center.
Speaker 2:And As we were, as we were Going to the trauma center, you know I'm on the radio and I'm radioing ahead and and and, and doing, you know, getting everything that he needed to save his arm, save his life, things that add nature. You know, he, he, at some point, he, he looks at me. He's like I'm sorry, vic, i didn't, i didn't know you care, you know, and I'm like what the fuck? you know, i mean like hell, yeah, i care, and so I don't care, it's my job.
Speaker 2:To this day. You know, he still razzes me about that. So, thank, mike for Listening to the podcast. We appreciate you. And Yeah, man. And then so, on the way back from Luffy, yet, you know, i was just, you know, overcome with a Motion, overcome with this man. I, i got something to say and and and I think by Doing this podcast and no one you know there is, there is a vessel for me to Say what I feel and and to get it out there. I Just, you know, if you record yourself talking, it's not crazy, right, if you, if you, if you push record, it's not crazy when you're talking to yourself.
Speaker 1:So you're vlogging.
Speaker 2:Right, you're vlogging and and I knew, like I knew, i had Something in me, so And, and as you suggested I may, i may upload the full version of that on our Facebook page and in Instagram, just so you, because I'm not gonna be able to capture the rawness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think you know that that's the word that matters. We're honest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's something we always try to do and you know you can talk about what you said, But what you said was pretty powerful in the moment, Yeah and and I'm not, yeah, i'm not gonna capture the rawness in And I'm never, i'm never gonna, you know, post something That I do by myself on our page without you know, your consent, or you know. I'm not trying to Take over the podcast, even though I talked the most. I'm told, but, yeah, this too shall pass. What does that mean? what does that mean to us as veterans? what does that mean to us as Those who struggle with mental health? what does that mean to us who, you know, think we have The answers and then don't. Right, this too shall pass. I mean, it sounds simple enough. What does it mean? You know it means when you're in a mantic state, this too shall pass. When your anxiety is through the roof and you think, you know, my brain is just wanting to explode, this too shall pass. Whatever, like you've heard Sean said several times, whatever that temporary problem is and I assure you, i assure you, it's temporary Whatever that temporary problem is, that too shall pass, it will. And But, on the same token, you know, for for those, for those days where you feel great, those days where you know you have energy and you and, and you know You're very light on your feet and you're ready to, you're ready to conquer the world. That too shall pass. Those days will pass as well.
Speaker 2:I said something in this little video And I'm like man, that's, you know, i'm not, i'm not, i'm not, i'm not, i'm not, i'm not giving myself credit. Um, you know I'm not giving myself flowers. But when I said it, when it came out my mouth, i was like man, that's, that's profound, you know. And I'm like, you know, you gotta live, you gotta live in the moments when the moments allow. And I'm like, when I said it, it fucking hit me. I'm like well, there it is.
Speaker 2:You gotta live in the moments When those moments allow. There's days, you know, we don't want to get out of bed. There's days, we can't get out of bed. There's days, you know, i sit in my chair And I'm there most of the fucking day. You know, luckily for me, there's a six year old around, especially in the summer now, that I don't get to sit there all day. You know, it's always something, always something else that she needs done. So She makes it A priority for me to get up And move. Like we said before, i don't want it. I don't want her to have a glimpse Into This guy. you know The, the, the ugly part of my personality. We we talk all the time about having a purpose, she gives you a purpose.
Speaker 2:Oh, most certainly most certainly, and You know Um, but live in the moments When the moments allow. That means, you know, if I spend the the morning in bed, i don't feel like getting up right now. Okay, well, the moment you feel like I don't feel like getting up right now, You need to get your ass the fuck up And go fucking live.
Speaker 2:And when I say to live, i'm not talking about your heart pumping your fucking Your breath. No, i'm talking about living, actual doing something you're passionate about, going out there and doing something You got to live in the moments when the moments allow.
Speaker 1:But understand that too Shall pass you, you can survive in your bed. You can't live in your bed, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, and You know How. How good of a week would we have missed If we would have stayed home. How good of a week would we have missed If we would have rode a thousand miles that first day and then that second day be like you know what, i'll catch up with you guys. You know what I mean. Yeah, it's it. You know there was. There was pain, there was pain in Colorado, physical pain, emotional pain. The pain was there. But you know you can't allow Pain to dictate everything.
Speaker 1:So the world doesn't stop spinning because you hurt.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so you, you. But now that you recognize that, oh, you know, you know I can't, i can't continue to use the excuse to Nova that, oh, babes, hip hurts the day, babes, back hurts the day, but guess what, it's fucking hurt every day. So you know, you have to put that thing on a spectrum and say, all right, well, when it's between one and four, we're full go. When it's between four and six, we're half go. When it's between. You know And and again, understand that spectrum is your spectrum, not my spectrum.
Speaker 2:And a one ain't necessarily almost no pain. A one is the minimal amount of pain that you could deal with without even knowledge acknowledging the pain exists. You know, like my therapist yesterday, she's like so with your headaches, do you think that you know the less severe ones are less severe because you are used to them, or you know you have a high pain tolerance. I'm like, i have a super high pain tolerance. I'm like and that's not me gushing, that's, it's just what it is. I've been hit in the head with ball bats and hitting ahead with bricks and part of the reason I have a traumatic brain injury more than likely. But you know, super high pain tolerance broke my collarbone eight fucking times. You know so much, so I got a tattoo the other day on my fucking collarbone. Didn't feel, not, not a bit. Um, so super, super high pain tolerance. But I know pain's there like I. You know, um, when I hurt my hip in Colorado uh, re injured type of deal I was very aware, you know, um, the hip was hurting. And then when your leg gives out, that's another pretty good indicator that, um, you know, nerves are being manipulated. But you know so your spectrum of pain is different than mine. So you know figure out what that is and say, okay, when, when my pain is here on a low end, i got to get out. Now, i got to fucking do shit.
Speaker 2:But what people do is they're like Oh, i don't feel like doing something today. So for a 24 hour period, that's today. That's no matter how, how your mood changes good, bad or ugly in that 24 hour period you're stuck on. I'm not doing this today And you can't do that. You know what I mean. You got to live in the moments when the fucking moments allow. That means I'm gonna stay in bed until I'm like you know what? I don't feel terrible right now. So get the fuck up and go do something, that's. You know, when I talk to people, um, and they're like, hey, you know, now that we have a podcast, we're like subject matter experts which clearly in our and the blurb that we, that you say prior to the project, we're fucking not you know, um, it's, it's. We have a pretty good ability to shine light on things People don't want to shine light on, because we don't. We don't particularly give a fuck that the light may also be shined on us?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're not quiet, shy and bashful.
Speaker 2:Right. So you know, um, i am the same boisterous person. Um, when I used to tell my guys in the army, if I say a duck can pull a truck, you hook that motherfucker up. Meaning the meaning behind that is, if I say it can be done, it will be done, and a lot, of, a lot of people don't. Fucking. I don't know where I got that from, i don't know who said it first, uh, but I used that all the fucking time. Uh, if a duck can pull a truck, you hook that motherfucker up because you know it. It gave them the sense of, well, the Sarnviks says we can do this, we can fucking do it. And you know, when you're leaning against the wall in in fucking you know Bakuba, iraq, and you're running low on ammo and and, uh, you know one of your guys look at you and we're like, hey, we're in a world of shit. And you just give them a grin back and be like, nah, we got this. They're like, well, fuck, you know, we got um let's go hook the duck up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, matter of fact, shot out to a Chuck landing, met out and uh met him out in um Colorado. Uh, CVMA brother Um, he was one of my soldiers in Bakuba, iraq. Um, got the, got the link up with him um out in Colorado, so that was great. Uh, another listener to the podcast, which it baffles me that all these guys that uh served with me couldn't, couldn't stand and listen to me, listen to me when I was there, but tunes aren't, or or fucking voluntarily listening to the podcast. So we appreciate you, um, but yeah, I mean it's, it's.
Speaker 2:You know suicide is what it is, um, if, if you think that you're at the point of your life where nothing, nothing's ever going to get better and nothing, nothing you do is ever going to work and nothing, you know, what you need to realize is take a breath, take a moment, um, and you know when you say things like I can't, um, i can't take it, no more, when you say things like I can't go on, um, i don't want to live, no more, you know all the shit people say, Um, if you wait a second, just wait a second. You just went on, you just took more, you just. If you put it in that perspective. You know, we used to tell people on road marches. They'd be like I can't, i can't go no more. You'd be like take another step, take another step. I want you to take a step, and then you take another step, and and and if you, if you put enough steps together, you'll finish. You'll finish. If you put enough moments together, you'll take more, you'll you'll, you'll move on.
Speaker 2:You know, if, if you put I can't live another moment, well, just pause, you just did, i do just keep doing that. Right, like we're, we're so. We're so, um, concentrated on the end game. We're so concentrated on, you know, everything past 300 meter target. We're forgetting all these. The 50 meter target, 100 meter target, we're, we're forgetting all this intermediate stuff.
Speaker 1:Trevor Trevor and I had that conversation yesterday about engaging the 50 meter target.
Speaker 2:Right, most certainly, like you know, um, that's. That's the thing. Soon, as you know and I I'm only talking from experience, you know, again, when I use the analogy of, my bucket is over flow with with shit. Right, i was there, i can't take no more shit. And then a fucking email will come in and subsequently I just took more shit. You know what I mean. Oh, i can't take no more. And then something else would come and I'd take it. And then it got to the point where I'm like, well, i got to quit saying I can't take no more because I keep fucking taking more.
Speaker 2:And that's where, that's where the, the, the idea of surviving the final seconds, um, came from. You know, when I what I would do talks with mission 22, and you know, families would come up and they, they want to know the why, why, why did my, why did my veteran kill himself? Why did my veteran kill herself? Why did, why did they leave us? And I'm like, the why is different for everybody. The why is different for everybody.
Speaker 2:You know, um, the only the only thing we can do as friends and family members and and, uh, loved ones, and give them a reason to live that final second. You know cause it. It only takes one second. The pull trigger one second to step off a ledge. One step, one second. The walk in front of a bus or train you know not to get morbid, but it don't. That only takes one second, like the finality of suicide only takes a fucking second, you know. It only takes a second to swallow a gang of pills It only takes a second. So Who is going to be that one? Who is going to be that someone That gives someone a reason to survive those final seconds? Once they survive the final seconds, then we can start building.
Speaker 1:You got to build off that Um and and and that's not to say them final seconds aren't going to come around for another time.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, i mean, fortunately I was only, i was only there once. Fortunately I was only there once, um, and you know it, but it's circled, circled my brain cavity group a bunch of times.
Speaker 1:I thought about it a lot, got close a couple of times. Only once really was at the point where I was going to right, you know what I mean? Yeah, like it was just, luckily I was never in a position where I was afforded the opportunity to execute, with my kids being little and stuff like that. I was never truly alone, alone, right. And so you know, you get ready, you're thinking about it. Then you're like, well, the kids are, you know, there was, it was always wanting to do it but never having. You know, quote unquote, opportunity. You know what is it Motive and opportunity. I had motive. I didn't have opportunity, right.
Speaker 2:Because you know your kids and inadvertently gave you a reason to live. Right, yeah, that's, that's what I'm talking about. Like you know the same thing me sitting at my kitchen table and running down the litany of things you know, and then you know making how fucked up I am. I'm making, um, i'm mitigating. Well, who's going to find me laying here in my kitchen? Well, my parents. Well, that is fucking. You know, that'd kill my mom. I can't, you know I can't do that. So, all right, well, i'll walk across street to the dumpster and do it there. You know what I mean. Like that's where the fuck I was. Like, well, you know, i'll shoot myself in the dumpster and then it disposal and all that there is no cleanup than my apartment There is.
Speaker 2:You know, don't want my landlord to think I'm a dick, because you know he, he fucking rented. He rented his apartment out to a veteran and that motherfucker killed himself. And now, from now forever, he has to declare someone killed himself in his kitchen, you know, um, so I didn't want to do that, um, and then by the end of it I'm like well, what the fuck did?
Speaker 1:I mean, like you've talked yourself out of it Yeah, um, i did that a lot too.
Speaker 2:Right, and, and you know, and, and I'm like it's one of those things where you're like well, fuck, if you care this much about them people, them people probably care that much about you. You know what I mean. Um, so, maybe not in the landlord as much, but you know everyone else. I mean you know, i mean he carried, he got a fucking check every month.
Speaker 1:There you go, and you didn't fuck up the interior that had to be redone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i mean I, i mean I'm sure he appreciated that, but but yeah, i mean it's. It's one of those things where, if, if people understood this to show pass and you can just weather the storm, you know, um, whether it's storm, like you know, on, on every trip our trip, uh, to Colorado and back there was trials, there was tribulations, there was, you know, there was things that, um, you know, we, we had to overcome and and and think through problems and, and you know, put, put hazardous lights on on on the side of the road and and, uh, figure shit out.
Speaker 2:And uh, and we did that. Um, and you know, um times we had to ask for help and we did that And and luckily we're in it. We're in an organization where, you know, no matter what state you're in, no matter what city you're in, um, there there's um brothers and sisters close by that are are not only Able to help out, they're willing to help out.
Speaker 1:And we were when we were on the side of the road down Cincinnati with my bike. Uh, he was on his way home from work, still in his postal uniform. Um, saw what, saw us, stopped, went, got a trailer, took me off the interstate until my dad could get there. So big shout out to Bill T bone Bowman, 12, two saved my ass.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he my new hero Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah And uh, um yeah, and he wasn't the only, you know, he wasn't the only brother to stop, and so I mean it's, it's just um, one of those things where you know our motto is vets helping vets, and and you know it's not Sometimes we look at it that we're given to these, um, we're given any, these charities, and then the charities directly help veterans. So indirectly we're helping. You know what I mean We're helping veterans. No, it's. I mean it's where, you know, things like that, where the rubber meets a road, um, or you know, lack there of there was a lot of rubber on the road A lot of rubber.
Speaker 1:lack there of rubber a lot of rubber left on the tires. It was all on the road.
Speaker 2:Um, uh, pun intended, um, but yeah, I mean where, where the rubber meets the world, where you can um directly impact, helping veterans and guys from 12 to uh came through for us And we appreciate it. And, uh, and it's also, you know, it's also nice to see the brethren um in in your own chapter. You know what I mean, knowing that ain't nobody going to leave you. Uh, you know we're there. You know the, the. Yes, everyone wanted to go home. Yes, weather was coming in. Yes, you know what I mean. Um, you know a lot of things were against us um, that day, but And you all had it out.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. I didn't expect one of you to stay. I I wanted you all to get home before, because I was going to be stuck regardless. There was no reason for everybody to suffer as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, we, we suffer together, that's um, and I mean I don't, i don't even you and Andy and Chrissy suffered a little worse than everybody else.
Speaker 2:And I don't even, i don't even, uh, yeah, i don't even consider it suffering, um, but yeah, i mean, you know, it's one of those things where, um, you know, we made, we made it back, uh, we made it back up off the interstate and You know, a plan was being put into place, um by others and uh, you know they're like, hey, weather's coming in, it's getting really bad. Um, you know, we're just going to stay the night Makes total sense, absolutely good plan, um and uh. The only problem with that plan was Chrissy had to be back to work, had to be back to work the following day. Um, hope her, uh, um, her um cohorts her. You know, um, i like to think that it's like um, she's the platoon son to him, being the platoon leaner type thing. You know, they work hand in hand and up up where she works.
Speaker 2:So there there um, one a, one B type deal. Um, he was going on vacation, so she had to be back to work. Um, and she took a lot of her vacation days with deaths in the family and and things of that nature, so she had to be back to work, um and uh. But you know we had cars that could take her home, if so willing, um, but then you know, like, like you said, uh Duke came up and said I'm, i'm riding home and I'm like well, all that all that shit I just said goes out the window.
Speaker 2:If you're riding home, we're riding home, so um because you're not riding home by yourself. Right, um and uh. Yeah, so we rode, you know, two and a half hours in torrential downpour, um and uh, you know.
Speaker 1:I guess what it passed.
Speaker 2:It. It most certainly did pass. And um, you know, with um, you know it's funny, i would get on the mic and tell Chrissy, i'm like you know, if you ever wanted to know what embracing the suck is, here you go. Babe, this is embracing the suck And uh, yeah, i mean it's, it's. It's one of those things where you know we, we, uh, we cry. Our battle cry is, uh, participation over precipitation. Um, that's our motto here in uh rain riders uh, here in our organization, where um you know, uh rain.
Speaker 1:Riders 12, six, Whoa Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean if, if it's, i mean we hit, we hit, uh, we hit snow on the top of Pikes Peak. We hit uh hail at the, at the base of, you know, at the base of the mountain where we stayed. Uh, we hit heavy hail Um couple of times.
Speaker 1:Woo man, i got smacked by that one in a mouth. Man Who would let me?
Speaker 2:up, we hit, um, we hit the furnace of Texas on the way back and they're in a heat wave right now. Um, you know, they've been days um, with a heat index in the 120s Or whatever.
Speaker 1:So we it was hot as balls It was it was hot as balls.
Speaker 2:Um, speaking of which, speaking of which, um, so, put a bow on. Uh, this two shall pass. Fuck man, you know, can't, can't reiterate it enough This two shall pass. So just tell that shit to yourself. And if you, if you're in a situation where, um, they don't have fire, you think you can't do it anymore, reach the fuck out And I, you know, i'll gladly tell you Hey man, that shit will pass.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just just a caveat on that though. Um, if if you're reaching out all the time to somebody but you're not doing your part, understand that that individual. You know I got a buddy who, who was a squad leader, he's got a guy, calls him all the time, always wants to unburden his problems on him but doesn't want to do anything on his own. You know he's in denial about it And my buddy's trying to get his mental health shit straight. But he's always there to take that phone call. And sometimes I tell him I'm like, bro, i'm like you got to tell them a fucker, hey, you gotta go get your shit straight. And he's like, yeah, i know he's got to, but I'm afraid if I don't, if I do that, then he'll quit calling and I want him to keep calling. So just understand, if you're the guy that's calling all the time we say it all the time you have to be an active participant in taking care of yourself. And if you're the guy that's getting the phone calls all the time, understand that, yes, you can keep taking that shit into your bucket, but you also have to help the guy who's calling you by telling them Hey, motherfucker, i'll be here for you whenever you need me. But I ain't a therapist, i got my own. You want to talk to mine? cool, you know, but you got to, you can't. You can't keep putting your burden on somebody else when you don't want to deal with your burden yourself. It's not fair. It's not fair to the motherfucker that answers the phone every time, you know. That's why I tell my buddy all the time I'm like Hey, dude, you, you ever think about not answering the phone? He's like Yeah, but then I don't want that phone call that says he killed himself. So I understand that point. I don't have anybody that does that. I got you know.
Speaker 1:You talk about some of the guys that call you and and I guess I got this other buddy Don't be in denial, because when you're in a denial and you're putting your burden on somebody else, you're making it that much harder for that other person to work through their process and to heal. So instead of one person carrying two people's burdens, how about two people carry their own burdens and help the other one carry their burden? You know it's. You know I I this whole episode. As you went through everything, i kept thinking of episode one, band of brothers Curry. That's what I thought of this whole time. Those guys it was. You know, this shall pass Now. Their, their world of shit progressively got worse with each engagement over the theater. But they all pulled together, you know, and, and so this too shall pass for you, this too shall pass for everybody else. But whether it's good or it's bad, if you're doing it together, it makes the good last a little longer and it makes the bad last a little shorter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and and that's, and that's like I tell you know some of the, some of the guys and all broad bro, broad brushes thing, because I'm not getting into intimate details. But you know, it's okay to say I suck. Matter of fact, it's encouraged to say I suck Right now, i fucking suck Now. Tomorrow, if you still say I suck, what do you? what the fuck are you doing about it? Three months from now, six months from now, a year from now?
Speaker 2:you know, it's easy to say I suck and all these people are the reason why. These, these fucking hundred people are the reason why I suck. Right now Okay, i mean a year from now you can't blame those same motherfuckers because you did absolutely two things Jack and shit Is that? those are the only two things you you have done to unsuck. It's a you problem, bro. It's a you problem.
Speaker 1:So if you kept those hundred suck people in your life, then you just made yourself suck more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i mean it. you know, i'm a butcher, i'm a butcher.
Speaker 1:The assassination of a phrase Right.
Speaker 2:Won't be my first, won't be my last. I mean it's I'll put it in context, like you know, it's something like I don't. I don't need to see the character or person, just show me his friends or something, something of the nature You know. Um, yeah, if, if you're around people that are keeping you down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the fuck on mood to fuck on.
Speaker 2:I mean, sarge said it right, said you know I had I had friends. No, i had fucking drinking buddies. You know like I had people I drank. You know like they wasn't friends because when his, when he changed the situation, they were no longer there. They they, you know, um, you know again, i saw a thing on Facebook the other day. I think, um, i think who fuck posted that shit? I think it might have been Rocky, maybe she posted it for something to the. Uh, i'll butcher this as well. Like you know, people are loyal to you Until they no longer need you for what they. You know, and that's so fucking true. Like people, people are fucking really loyal until whatever they needed you for don't exist no more. And then they're fucking.
Speaker 1:Loyalty goes And uh, i, i certainly have seen that in my lifetime And uh, so you know, and just because I said, um, you can't burden the same people all the time, it doesn't mean still don't call and reach out. It just means take responsibility for yourself. And if and if you're calling somebody and you think that you're putting too much on them, three magic numbers for you man, nine eight eight, suicide prevention hotline. Nine eight eight, press number one. They send you to the veterans people. I mean, it's, it's, it's no fucking easier than that. You know, if you know it's two o'clock in the morning and you don't want to call anybody else, nine eight eight will be there. They'll always be there. Three numbers nine eight, eight, option one. You can't go wrong, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean and uh, yeah, i think we, i think we, um beat that fucking horse up. So I had another thought while we were um, while we were gone and um, and I said we're going to start a segment, um, we're just going to be the first time. Well, i think, i think, i think throughout, throughout this um yeah, throughout this. Uh, don't know why I fucking did that. A little technical difficulty there. Um, throughout the rest of this season.
Speaker 2:I think um as they come up, if they're um, uh, prevalent or um, um, you know, very necessary. We're going to do a segment, definitely next year, every episode, uh, we're going to do a segment of fuck that guy, fuck that guy. Yeah, like Dana White just said, fuck that guy, um. So I think, um, it's only fitting Um, and and the fuck that fuck that guy, uh, segment is is all encompassing of, you know, um, to everybody. Yeah, fuck that guy, fuck that girl.
Speaker 1:Fuck that business, fuck that organization Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, um, we were in Texas, um, we were in Texas, um, we were in Texas, um, um on our trip out to Colorado and, uh, we stopped at a, uh Love's gas station and, um, fucking hundred people, uh CVMA brothers that you know are riding home. They were there um a plethora of fucking cars, um, and it wasn't a big loves. No, no, it wasn't. No, it wasn't a big loves, It wasn't it wasn't a buckies with a hundred fucking pumps Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was probably what two, four, six, eight, maybe 12, 12 pumps.
Speaker 2:All right And and we pulled in, uh, we were, we were nine bikes deep, Um, so we added to that chaos and, uh, i guess the, the um, the the um, the easy thing to do would just keep going around the park a lot and come back up, come out the other side and go down the street and uh, um, so, yeah, so we pull into buckies. So where, where the fuck that guy comes from is, if you are a individual that reads the room of the car, there's a hundred fucking cars waiting to pump gas on 12 pumps and you believe it's okay to fucking lock your car up at the pump and leave for an extended period of time of 25, 30 fucking minutes. Yeah, I better don't like that shit either. Um, fuck that guy, you know what I mean And you know, um, because there there is no, there is no reason to leave the pump, leave your car locked at a pump for 30 fucking minutes. None Now, um, throughout our trip there was several times where you know I swipe my, you know I, i tap my card.
Speaker 2:It said, see, attendant, you know I leave my bike where it is, i go in. I see the attendant. I was like, hey, give me, you know, $18 on pump one. They gave me $18 on pump one. I went out there and pumped my $18, you know that that is a transaction happening for the store Right, so my bike being parked there is um prepaid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i mean it's. it's yeah, but it's part of the transaction for the store. Now when, when and and to put some context, you know um Sean having a a sidecar on his bike? uh, he can. He's limited to um where he pulls his bike right. He has to pull the? um left left side tanks because he has a? uh sidecar on the right side.
Speaker 2:So, you know, um, after 25 minutes, you know, sean goes in and says Hey, who, who owns the vehicle out here with Arizona plates? and somebody from the back of the store says it's me. He's like Hey, is is nice, as he can. Says move your fucking car.
Speaker 2:Right And and then you know, then that proceeded a shit show of well, we have six kids and they had to go to the bathroom. That don't like. You know. The only thing that is cool in that month like you just tap your chest, say my bad And that's it. Like you're in the, you're a hundred percent in the room, right, if your kids need to piss, that bad right. And we've all been there. Park, there was ample parking around the pumps.
Speaker 1:Yeah, There was plenty of parking.
Speaker 2:Yes, Park, go in, get your snackies and chewies and fucking piss and do everything you do inside the fucking loves. you know, sit down and eat. There was an eatery in there, right. So you're telling me you're going to fucking eat a sandwich with your car parked, locked at a fucking pump and you think that's okay. No, it's not. So, yeah, I mean, I mean, and then it's the shit show was well, we have six kids? Well, we have. now you know anything but my bad Move that, move that shit on. You know what I mean. So, um, I think, in honor of our first, no better, no better person, um than that couple from Arizona and the white Jeep, It was a white Jeep, commander, yeah.
Speaker 2:White Jeep commander where Arizona plates. Hey, in honor of our very first fuck that guy, we'd like to say resoundingly Fuck that guy Yeah. So I don't think there's man, fuck that guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i mean um, because you know all you like, my biggest pet peeve is um, holding other people. You know what I mean. That's like, that's like my biggest pet peeve Like being being inconsiderate. Um, you know, if you're, if you're that person that you ride in the in the right lane all the way up to the truck, all the way up to the truck, and then, instead of putting your brakes on because you've been on cruise control and now you're on the ass end of a semi, instead of pumping your brakes, you want to just cut over into the passing lane and want me to pump my brakes now and fuck that. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So, like, man just yeah, that's today's fuck. That guy is about inconsiderate fucks because we ran into a lot of them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah And considerate fucks. We ran into a lot of them, but those in particular, um, man, fuck those guys. Um, i mean, uh, you don't like the way. You don't have to talk to us that way, like well, fuck, you know what I mean. Like I sat out here for 25 minutes. What's? what's? what's the statue of limitation on fucking talking nice to someone? Like sat out here for 25 fucking minutes waiting for you to move your goddamn car and you're inside getting your six kids fucking snackies and chewy and fucking.
Speaker 1:Well, and the worst part about the whole situation was we left and then in Oklahoma we stopped at another gas stop and those Oklahoma guys came in after us and they said that after we left they sat at the pump pretending to pump gas and cleaning their windows multiple times just to be fucking assholes to everybody else that was there. So it wasn't even like a mob ad, It was. We're douchebags. So again, fuck you people. Yeah, If you can't tell there were some things said that really got my fucking blood boiling. The wife made me get on the bike and ride away from the place before everybody else because it whoo Yeah, whoo Whoo.
Speaker 2:I missed, but uh, yeah, so, um, fuck that guy, fuck that guy. So with that, we'll see you next time.